The morning started off pretty normal and I had anticipated that I would putter around, do a few household chores and later on craft and skype with my sister. On my to do list was to photograph a few of my monthly subscriptions and get them ready to review here. One item I was super excited to see in my Birchbox box this month was a sampler of tea- and I knew I wanted some pretty props for the photo. I thought I would simply take them down from the closet where they have been packed for years, and use them as props....nothing more. As I was unwrapping them the sadness of her memory and all the anxiety that went with it seemed to wash away- and I not only felt a calmness, but a warm, happy feeling! Since her death every memory has lead me to tears, and it has hung over me for days each time. But today was different! It almost felt like a ceremony, something beautiful was happening and I was very aware that I had finally reached a pivotal moment in the mourning process I have been going through for years. I slowly unwrapped the separate pieces and was happy to see none had been chipped. I carefully walked them to the kitchen where I gently washed them and then dried them almost to a polish. I then set up the Birchbox tea, along with the two tea cups, and a little tea strainer I had found years ago at a thrift store. I took the photo and uploaded it ...
I had intended to simply post this photo on my Face Book, and add it to the many photo albums I have there. But I FELT something. It was like my mom was actually here with me!!! Now before you think I am off my rocker, I mean in "spirit"...like somehow she was with me. I am not an overly religious person. I don't necessarily believe in ghosts and such BUT I do believe that sometimes things happen that we can't explain. This was one of those moments for me. After years of feeling depressed and sad, it was all gone...and I felt an overwhelming desire to have tea with my mom! It seems a little silly as I am writing it, but as it was happening there was nothing silly about it- it felt completely normal. I got out her old tea kettle, waited for it to boil, and then steeped our tea....yes I said OUR. I actually poured two cups of tea, one for me and one for my mom! I skipped the Splenda I usually use, and added the teaspoon of sugar, and a bit of milk to each cup. I felt something was missing so I went and took out a photograph of her, and add it as well. THERE. Now I could have tea with my mom. As if breaking through the boundaries of time and space, I told her I missed her and not knowing how else to commemorate the moment I said "cheers!" and gently tapped my tea cup on hers. With that, I can say that the sad period of mourning her death was officially over, and could now be replaced with her warm sweet memories- just like the tea I was drinking in her honor!
I miss you Mom...and I always will.
In the photo, my Mom-Marilyn (in red), me (in the back), my daughter Arianna (at 4 years old) and my Aunt Connie (seated).
