Today I had tea with my mom...this might sound rather boring to some, and certainly not worthy of a blog post but it was a very monumental moment because she has been gone for years! Let me explain...
The morning started off pretty normal and I had anticipated that I would putter around, do a few household chores and later on craft and skype with my sister. On my to do list was to photograph a few of my monthly subscriptions and get them ready to review here. One item I was super excited to see in my Birchbox box this month was a sampler of tea- and I knew I wanted some pretty props for the photo. I thought I would simply take them down from the closet where they have been packed for years, and use them as props....nothing more. As I was unwrapping them the sadness of her memory and all the anxiety that went with it seemed to wash away- and I not only felt a calmness, but a warm, happy feeling! Since her death every memory has lead me to tears, and it has hung over me for days each time. But today was different! It almost felt like a ceremony, something beautiful was happening and I was very aware that I had finally reached a pivotal moment in the mourning process I have been going through for years. I slowly unwrapped the separate pieces and was happy to see none had been chipped. I carefully walked them to the kitchen where I gently washed them and then dried them almost to a polish. I then set up the Birchbox tea, along with the two tea cups, and a little tea strainer I had found years ago at a thrift store. I took the photo and uploaded it ...
I had intended to simply post this photo on my Face Book, and add it to the many photo albums I have there. But I FELT something. It was like my mom was actually here with me!!! Now before you think I am off my rocker, I mean in "spirit"...like somehow she was with me. I am not an overly religious person. I don't necessarily believe in ghosts and such BUT I do believe that sometimes things happen that we can't explain. This was one of those moments for me. After years of feeling depressed and sad, it was all gone...and I felt an overwhelming desire to have tea with my mom! It seems a little silly as I am writing it, but as it was happening there was nothing silly about it- it felt completely normal. I got out her old tea kettle, waited for it to boil, and then steeped our tea....yes I said OUR. I actually poured two cups of tea, one for me and one for my mom! I skipped the Splenda I usually use, and added the teaspoon of sugar, and a bit of milk to each cup. I felt something was missing so I went and took out a photograph of her, and add it as well. THERE. Now I could have tea with my mom. As if breaking through the boundaries of time and space, I told her I missed her and not knowing how else to commemorate the moment I said "cheers!" and gently tapped my tea cup on hers. With that, I can say that the sad period of mourning her death was officially over, and could now be replaced with her warm sweet memories- just like the tea I was drinking in her honor!
I miss you Mom...and I always will.
In the photo, my Mom-Marilyn (in red), me (in the back), my daughter Arianna (at 4 years old) and my Aunt Connie (seated).
This brought me to tears. So beautiful and touching. Just reading this made me feel she was close. Simply looking at the picture of the tea warms my heart. I feel her closeness. I miss her, too, and am glad that she will always be just a cup of tea away. OX
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